Thanks Japan

I was in Japan for a year. Reverse culture shock has come and gone. I'm no longer horrified by the slovenly, overweight, rude, self-centered denizens of the home of the free and the brave. Although the MBTA trains are still mind-bogglingly shitty compared to even the back-woodsy* Hokuriku line which passed through Namerikawa, the town where I stayed. There was no inexplicable blue sparking from the third rail, no trash on the seats and floor, no delays due to signal problems or disabled trains, no overshooting the platform and having to back up to let out passengers, and there were no crashes due to the drivers texting. Another thing that I'm not quite over is the terrible rice here. Minute rice, Uncle Bens, and especially Rice-A-Roni are about the worst food products I can think of. Barring homelessness, I plan on having a rice cooker for the rest of my life. Scratch that, homeless or not, I want one.

Anyways, A year in Japan was long enough for me to pick up a few habits which, despite my best efforts, I cannot seem to be able to shake, even after almost a year. The first one is staring. I stare at nearly everyone I see. Because for a year my life worked like this: I know every person who isn't Asian. I know a lot of Asian people too, and I might have to work to recognize them because I meet so many new people all the time. So I'll stare at people of any race. Incidentally, if there's anyone in the greater Boston area who is bothered by a guy who is 5'11" with a shaved head (and more often than not unshaved face) staring at you, here's what I have to say: 1) That's me. 2) I'm sorry. 3) I'm working on it.

Habit two is paying for things by putting my money on the counter instead of handing it to the cashier directly. This still weirds me out. In Japan, there are always little trays that you put the money into, and take the change out of. Here, everyone just hands each other money?! With their hands?! It's so barbaric.

Habit three is slurping my food, especially noodles. In Japan, udon is meant to be slurped, as are ramen, and soba. Spaghetti is gray territory. That said, I've seen Japanese people slurp pizza and sushi also. Maybe it's just a cultural difference between tongue and slurp to get food that didn't quite make it in. Napkin is probably more polite in both cases, but as far as regular eating, here are some tough situations:
Spaghetti with whiteys- This one is obviously a bite, let fall sometimes, use napkin, and maybe a little tongue when needed situation. Doesn't always happen. Sometimes I just gotta get my slurp on, which is wrong. No slurping.
Udon with whiteys, Japanese restaurant in America- Everyone else is slurping, so I guess it's ok here, but all my friends will think I'm weird. No slurping.
Udon with Japanese, Japanese restaurant in America- This one's complicated. I guess it depends on their Americanization level.

Habit four is bowing. I can't help it. Especially when I pay for something or say goodbye to someone. It's slight, but not small enough to be a normal American head-nod.

Habit five started innocently enough. Japanese people at a certain point in their history decided to adopt the handwave, but at handshake distance. Me and my friends in Japan thought it was really funny. So we'd all do that when saying goodbye. And now, well, it's just like what your mother said about your face staying that way if you make a face too much. I wave to people from three feet away, and I look like a complete asshole.

Anyways, thanks Japan for making me cripplingly awkward for God knows how long.


*Japan's backwoodsy areas have no trains, and barely any people. Somewhere in Japanese law there seems to be a rule that nobody can live anywhere close to areas that have an abundance of trees. They're reserved for camp-grounds and tourist attractions. The Hokuriku region is "back-woodsy" in the sense that it's full of small towns, and brimming with parochialism. The fact that it is on the opposite coast of Tokyo is keenly felt, and despite the abundance of concrete, and lack of any natural surroundings to speak of, it is impossible to forget that you are in "uranihon" (裏に本), the "back side" of Japan.